THE REASON WHY

I totally gave up on it.
I knew I looked like her and I moved on stage the way she did. I studied her make-up and her gestures-even her mannerisms.

It was 2012,and it was the biggest gig of my life. I wore the outfit that I had made, inspired by one of her performances back in 2008 at GMA (Good Morning America). 

I stood on the stage and pe"Gagita" being mistaken as the other Lady Gaga impersonator.
rformed her hits but it seemed to me that all I had from the audience was ridicule and a bunch of insults. I was even called
It was devastating for me. I didn't just put on a wig and said,

 "HEY, PEOPLE! WATCH ME DANCE TO LADY GAGA'S SONG. I'M LADY GAGA BY THE WAY. BELIEVE ME!"

NO. I believed in it more than other people did. I studied her for years- her music, art and principles came down not only to my brain but also deep in my heart, that if it was taken from me, I will die.

It was like breathing. 

When I stepped on stage, I felt like I was her. even when I went off the stage.

But in the eyes of many people,  I was just an impersonator. Just a person who mimics Lady Gaga or Lady GAGITA. I was like, "What the fuck, I am a musician-dancer-singer-song-writer turned into an impersonator and then you have mistaken me for being that other impersonator?" I know I was better than him. I never lip-sync and even the piano stunts she does, I studied. I was even mistaken on Youtube as the real Gaga, it was just I wasn't famous, and I'm just an impersonator, whom in the eyes of the people, impersonating Gaga, and the one that also impersonates her.

FUCK!

So I gave up.

But something was there inside me. Something magical. I don't know what it is but because of impersonating Lady Gaga, and all those hours of watching her concerts listening to her interviews, I found myself.
I found my own sound, my own art and vision.
Fuck impersonation. I found my performance.

Now, when I stepped on stage, I still feel like I was her - along with that, I felt like Edith Piaf. Barbara. Liza. Prince. Gloria Estefan...because of her, I felt like I could be anybody.

ANGELS FOREVER.

Tough day. It was Tuesdays and I came early to work...BUT I WAS FEELING BLOATED.

I have been experiencing heavy diarrhea and I didnt want to be absent so I forced myself to work.

I started my shift by 11.00 PM and had to log out a couple of time from my station because I had to visit the comfort room.

What a mess.

I looked like a dried vegetable.

SHARM: I think you should go home.

ME: As if I can, I'm already here. Besides, it's already 3:00, I can still go on.

SHARM: Suit yourself.

In short, I went on and answered calls. UHG. I wasnt able to eat my lunch. I didnt want to eat. I will just vommit if I did.

THE NEXT DAY.

I woke up. Feeling really exhausted. 

I went to the comfort room.

And again.

Again.

Again.

And again.

At this point I was feeling numb. I felt like a paper. The last discharge seemed to be transparent already and my mom was alarmed, so she asked me not to go to work even I f I was already dressed.

We went straight to UST Hospital Emergency Room.

It was chaotic. People in pain. People bleeding. And a woman, 89 years old just met a comatose is being prepared for an operation.

God. They asked me to give a sample of my feces for them to examine. They took 5-CCs of blood from me.

Good thing it was just a stupid viral infection.

As we walked home, I can't help but think of all the things I've done.

I have been bad. REAL BAD.

A lot of things went on in my head. 

Death. Life. Work tomorrow.

I need to get away. I am feeling sick, and my feet was dragging me.

I can't help but think of the woman who was rushed to ER a while ago.

ME: 89 years old. Was she happy? Fulfilled? Now that she's on the edge of dying. What if I'm the one in her place... would I consider operation? Or just die.

Dreams. I need to accomplish my them before I die.

I dont want to be taking calls for the rest of my life. I know there is something else for me out there.

I know I'm still gonna be a star. 

KLOD ACCORDING TO...

christianity: love thy neighbor as you love KLOD.socrates: the unexamined KLOD is not worth living. 

sun tzu: the supreme art of KLOD is to subdue the enemy without fighting.

descartes: i think, therefore im KLOD.
machiavelli: keep your friends close, and KLOD closer.
freud: the ego is not KLOD in its own house.
jung: everything that irritates us about KLOD can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

marx: KLOD is to the real world as masturbation is to sex. 

kierkegaard: KLOD is subjectivity.

einstein: logic will get you from a to b. KLOD will take you everywhere.

da vinci: KLOD is never finished, only abandoned.

dan brown: da KLOD code

j. k. rowling: harry potter and the order of KLOD

j.r.r. tolkien: one KLOD to rule them all.

candice bushnell: KLOD and the city

meg cabot: the KLOD diaries

ann rice: the KLOD chronicles

capt picard: KLOD, the final frontier ...

spock: live long and KLOD.

george lucas: may the KLOD be with you.

yoda: KLOD is the path of the dark side.

agent smith: the KLOD has you.

ashton kutcher: KLOD, where’s my car?

jake gyllenhaal: I wish I knew how to quit KLOD

mulder: KLOD is out there.

he-man: by the power of KLOD, i am he-maaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!

she-ra: for the honor of KLOD, i am she-raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!???!

flor contemplacion: i did not kill KLOD!?!

nokia: KLOD ... connecting people.

smart: KLOD ... simply amazing.

pinnochio: im gonna be a real KLOD.

snow white: someday my KLOD will come.

sleeping beauty: *snore*

simba: oh i just cant wait to be KLOD.

hamlet: to KLOD or not to KLOD.

juliet: a KLOD, by any other name, would still remain as sweet.

renee zellweger: you complete KLOD.

jack nicholson: you make me wanna be a better KLOD.

forrest gump: life's just like a box of KLOD, you'll never know what you're gonna get.

ET: KLOD phone home ... KLOD phone home.

bill pullman: we will not vanish without a fight, today is our KLOD day!

evita: dont cry for me KLOD. the truth is i never left you.

phantom: no more talks of KLOD, forget this wide-eyed fear.

cats: KLOD not a sound from a pavement …

les miserables: do you hear KLOD sing, singing the song of angry men.

miss saigon: i swear id give my life for KLOD.

avenue q: it sucks to be KLOD.

ninoy: KLOD is worth dying for.

kris: you have to say this ... the KLOD!

ruffa gutierrez: what is essential is invisible to the naked KLOD.

melanie marquez: dont judge my KLOD. because my KLOD is not a book.

jolina: i made the biggest mistake of falling in love with my best KLOD.

anne curtis: kiss KLOD and don't you dare fall in love with KLOD.


                            (source: anggandaniwanda.blogspot.com)

SPACE TIME WARP, NGAYON DIN!

"Hay sa wakas, OUT na rin!", Mutya said.
We were the only Team Bryann left inside the office. It was Sunday and it was 9:00 in the morning and I can feel- we both feel, that we yearn for the hugs of our pillows and kisses of our sheets.

I lit a cigarette.
"How I hate going home at this hour." I said. "after 12 hours of battling with stupid customers on the phone, blah."
"Totoo yan, 'teh." Mutya said.

We parted ways in Ortigas and waved goodbye. "See you on Thursday!"

As I walked the busy streets of the city to catch a bus, I can't help but be nostalgic once again.
The streets of Ortigas, full of memories.

 "Oh, Malanday-malanday-malanday-malanday-malanday-malanday-malanday UE Letre, CUBAO!!!"

"Ang ingay naman nitong konduktor na 'toh," I thought. It was my rest day at panira talaga yung sigaw ni manong sa nostalgia moments ko.
As I sat on the bus, and stared on the people that are brushing past each other, I felt numb. Suddenly, the people disappeared out of my sight. 

SPACE TIME WARP. NGAYON DIN!!

* 11:00 PM. SAME PLACE.*

I saw myself, sitting on the curb. In skimpy shorts and heavy make up.
 I barely knew myself. "Was that me?"
Mascara running down my face. My hair was a cheap red.
I saw a guy smoking a cigarette. I can't hear what he was saying but it made my old self cry like a baby.
He looked so mad at me. "WHO is this guy?
I saw his hands throw out in the air like he's explaining something.
Out of nowhere, my old self shouted at him. I heard the muffled sound from outside the bus. It was as if I was there at that moment! I didn't understand what my old self told the guy, and I don't know why they were upset with each other.
HE SLAPPED MY OLD SELF.
I was shocked at that moment. I saw my old self crumble to pieces, and stumbled on the pedestrian lane. My old self covered his face. Thus, making more dirt scatter on his face because of his Mascara.
The guy put both of his hands onto his head as if he's having a migraine. He kicked his car and I heard the muffled sound from his car alarm, going through the windows.

The guy looked at me from outside.

 I was horrified. Is this real? Why is he staring at me? My imagination...was looking at me!

"San kayo bababa, Sir?"

I turned away form the window and checked who touched my shoulder.

"San kayo bababa?"

"Ah, Galleria... AY! Sorry, S-SM N-north po."

The conductor gave me a ticket, and as I gazed back to look outside the window, the guy and my old self, was gone. It was morning again.

"What the fuck?" I thought.

UNEXPECTED: A KISS IS STILL A KISS

Clyde sat down on his arm chair. Math class has begun and how bored he was. The only thing that ran in his mind is his eyes, his lips, his whole physique and the way he laughed. There is so much life in him, and he can't help but stare blankly; not seeing anything or anyone in the room, only his imagination.

"Mr. Xavier!"  
Clyde was surprised. His teacher was calling his attention.
"Is your mind circling around the topic that I'm discussing today, or are you thinking of something else?", Mr Durant, his Math professor exclaimed.

"I--." Clyde stuttered, "Y-yes, sir. I am perfectly understanding our lesson."
"Really?" Durant said.
Clyde hated Math class, and he was wondering why he can't focus just one bit. He started sweating and he was afraid the professor would ask something from their lesson. He knew he never heard one bit of a thing he discussed. The boys are starting laugh at him.
"I hope you really are listening, Clyde." Durant said, "After this you're the first one that I will call to answer and give a complete solution on the board."
"Yes, Mr. Durant, I'm sorry." Clyde said, he looked like a red tomato.

He stared blankly onto his notebook He then wrote on the side:

 P....    A...  

"SHIT. I CAN'T BE LIKING HIM."

*******************************


After Math class, Clyde hurried into the comfort room.Good thing the professor forgot to call his name to answer on the board. He barely understands the lesson.
He took a piss and sat on the toilet. He noticed the walls of the cubicle had vandalism on them.
He read one phrase on the wall.

"XAVIER = FILTHY GAY"

"These motherfuckers," he thought to himself, "I hate them!"
He stood up, and as he opened the door, he saw Pao taking a pee on one of the cubicles.

*GASP!*

Pao looked at him, "Oh, Hi!" He zipped his pants. "You go here?"
Clyde just stared at him, annoyed. Clyde then went to the sink to wash his hands.
"I was just kidding, you know..." Pao said. He followed Clyde to the sink. He stood behind him, and touched his arms down to his hands. He washed them with the water that was flowing. Clyde can hear him sniffing his neck. He was shocked.
"I'm sorry for acting weird," Pao said, "but if you haven't noticed, I liked you ever since."
He spoke to his ears and Clyde can feel his warm breath. It smelled like peppermint.

"What?" Pao said, "Aren't you gonna say anything?"
Clyde reached for the door but for some reason, Pao knew what he was thinking and was there first.
Pao closed the door and locked it.

"You're starting to scare me, Pao," Clyde said, "Please, just let me get back to my class."

Pao walked slowly on to him. Pao hugged his waist and kissed him.

Clyde wanted to kick his crotch or slap him,but his heart was beating fast he didn't know what to do.
Pao stopped, and smiled. He looked into Clyde's eyes and said, "You can now go back to your class."

Clyde was surprised. It was his first kiss. His heart was beating fast, he can hear it in his ears.

"I'll be waiting at the canteen by dismissal." Pao said, "I need to talk to you, alright?"

Clyde didn't know what to say or what to react. He just opened the door, and went straight ahead back to the class room.


"Oh, are you okay? Para kang nakakita ng multo." John said, a classmate.

"No," Clyde said, "I'm fine."

He walked through the hallway. "He kissed me..." he thought as he held his wet lips. "It's just a kiss...what am I thinking?" He licked his lips. It tasted like peppermint.
It downed to him that he wanted more of that kiss. He wanted each second of what happened. He had to admit it. He wanted him badly.

After all it's just a kiss...but a kiss is still a KISS.

(To be continued...)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Had so much fun with my friends!

With best friend Yen

Fooling around. WHERE ARE THE OTHER PICS ANYWAYS? LOL

JANUARY COVER: Dreams. Screams.Outrage.

Dreams. Screams. Outrage.
I have spent my new year with a bang and it was a lot of fun. I am very thankful that I got to end 2013 with my friends. 

DREAMS. A lot of them are creations of our brains, that even science can't explain. For a hundred years, great people have tried to record explanations on how our brains really create dreams; but are they correct? Are they precise? Real?

We'll never know.

SCREAMS. I'm a loud person, and people have described me as someone who is outgoing and a person who always got an explanation for the things that he does, but the truth is, I haven't screamed it all out yet. I don't know. I'm not contented. There must be something else for me....out there, I know there is.

OUTRAGE. I know it's not good to say that I will not forgive and forget the people who made my 2013 heartbreaking. YES. I will not forgive those people. I don't care, we're not friends anymore.
I am crazy, I can admit that. I am angry, yes until now. I have killed a thousand lives; but only in my mind. They say I'm a criminal, but they're only people that I created in this prolific vessel that's located above my eyes...that see everything. And. they've started a RIOT, yes they did; and every night I hear them scream, in a big wave of voices, kicking and bleeding,
"God forgives, why don't you?" 
And every night I tame them with my most devilish ways; and I answer them once again:
"Well, I'm not GOD."

-Klod